Why Regret Is Like an Illusion

TL:DR - Regret seems logical in the moment, when in fact, it has some serious flaws as a way of thinking. It assumes we know exactly what our lives would look like if we had only done (insert regret). Yet in reality, given the chance, many of us would likely choose the lives we currently have. What makes better sense is to realise what we can be grateful for and think about how to do our best from here on out.

One of the most unlikely books I've read, and one that also happened to find itself on my to-be-reread list, is The Midnight Library by Matt Haig, a philosopher whose writing has been influenced by his struggles with his mental health, and whose crisp, unsentimental insights in The Comfort Book have given me many aha moments. It was an unlikely read because I have never particularly cared much for fantasy genres. When I do read fiction, I'm more of a literary fiction girl. But I digress.

In the book (spoilers ahead), we meet Nora Seed, a 35 year-old who finds herself at a very low, dark point in her life, overwhelmed with regret and disappointment. In a moment when she gives up on life, she enters the “Midnight Library”, where she is presented with a myriad of books, each representing how differently her life would have unfolded based on the decisions she made or didn't make.

Here, she gets the chance to undo the decisions she regrets and live the lives she’d have led—from pursuing a career as an Olympic swimmer, to getting married to the man she broke up with. I think that for a fantasy book, it's refreshingly realistic - each of the different lives is marred by unexpected, yet very real, imperfections.

What struck me the most was when she realises that her current life, one she previously found pitifully unremarkable is, in fact, the one she cherishes the most. In it, she has experienced and developed resilience, love, and personal growth. The regret is replaced with gratitude for the beauty in even the simplicity of her very existence.

Soo... Why I'm Talking about all this

I think that as we grow older, we accumulate regrets from things we’ve done and haven't done. But regret is flawed, it assumes that we know the details of what our lives might have looked like in those other instances. Perhaps, if like Nora, we could get the chance to shop for other lives, we would find life still life-ing (if you know what I mean).

This reminded me of a quote by one of my favourite Christian authors.

“God never leads His children otherwise than they would choose to be led, if they could see the end from the beginning, and discern the glory of the purpose which they are fulfilling as co-workers with Him.” Ellen White

Wherever we may be in our lives, I hope this serves as a reminder, to embrace the life and journey that is ours, forgive ourselves, and make the very best of the cards we've been dealt, knowing that, if we had the chance, we would likely still choose this path.

As a side note, I believe that sometimes we do in fact make real mistakes and get ourselves into situations that could best have been avoided, but I also believe that God repurposes even these situations and can still lead us into places where we thrive and become the best we can be.

“…one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”